Understanding Autism and Communication: What Families Need to Know

Communication is a big part of how we connect with one another. But for autistic people, it can sometimes feel like trying to solve a puzzle without all the pieces fitting together.

This week’s episode of the Autism Weekly Podcast features Dr. Ashley de Marchena, an expert in autism and communication. She shared some fascinating information into how autistic adults communicate, highlighting things like literal versus non-literal language, nonverbal communication, and building understanding between neurotypical and autistic people. 

Here are five key takeaways for families raising autistic kids, along with practical tips to help foster stronger connections. 

Being Clear About What You Really Mean 

Did you know some everyday phrases can be really confusing for someone who’s literal-minded? For example, saying, “It’s raining cats and dogs,” might seem silly to you, but to someone who understands things literally, it might sound downright confusing! 

Dr. de Marchena talked about how autistic people often do better with straightforward and clear communication. Instead of using phrases like, “Get the ball rolling,” try saying, “Start the project.” It’s easier for everyone to understand and avoids unnecessary confusion. 

Try This at Home: When giving instructions, keep them simple and to the point. If you notice your child looks puzzled by something you said, try rephrasing it in a more direct way. 

What to Know About Nonverbal Communication 

A big part of communication happens without words. Things like facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language all send messages. But for some autistic people, these cues can be tricky to use or understand. 

For instance, making eye contact might feel uncomfortable or overwhelming for your child. This doesn’t mean they aren’t listening! Many autistic people find that looking away helps them focus on what’s being said. 

What You Can Do: Focus on your child’s words rather than relying on facial expressions or eye contact to know how they’re feeling. If you’re unsure, just ask. Something as simple as, “Are you okay?” can go a long way. 

Bridging the Communication Gap 

Dr. de Marchena introduced a powerful idea called the “double empathy problem.” It means that communication challenges don’t just come from the autistic person’s side. Neurotypical people also need to work on understanding autistic perspectives. 

She pointed out that we all communicate differently, and building a bridge requires effort from both sides. For example, if your child expresses themselves in a way that feels unique or unexpected, take the time to understand what they’re trying to say rather than expecting them to change their style entirely. 

A Family Tip: Pay attention to your child’s unique habits. Maybe they repeat lines from their favorite show to tell you how they’re feeling, or they use gestures instead of words. These are their ways of connecting with you, and recognizing them can create stronger bonds. 

Helping Your Child Thrive 

One story from the podcast really stood out. Dr. de Marchena mentioned a young autistic adult who uses lines from books to express emotions. For example, he might quote a sad part of a story when he’s feeling down or a loving moment when he wants to show affection. This is his way of communicating what’s on his mind, even if it’s not how others are used to expressing themselves. 

For parents, this is a reminder to celebrate and support your child’s unique ways of communicating. Instead of comparing them to others, look for the meaning behind their actions. What might seem like “just a habit” could actually be their love language. 

Here’s How to Help: Whenever your child shares something in their own way, acknowledge it and respond with warmth. If they seem scared, sad, or happy, reflect those feelings back to them with simple words like, “I see that made you feel excited!” 

Making Space for Autistic Voices 

Dr. de Marchena talked about how important it is to make room for autistic people to speak up and be part of their communities, whether at home, work, or school. Families can start by creating small changes that make a big difference. 

For example, in your home, encourage your child to share their thoughts in the way that feels easiest for them. At school, you might advocate for teachers to use written instructions or structured schedules to help your child feel more confident. 

Parent Tip: Ask your child’s teacher to provide options, like raising a hand or writing a note, for participating in class discussions. Encourage the same variety at home during family decisions or conversations. 

Wrapping It All Up 

Helping your autistic child communicate doesn’t mean trying to change who they are. It’s about meeting them where they are, understanding their perspective, and celebrating their strengths. Whether it’s through spoken words, body language, or creative expressions like quoting a favorite movie, every way of communicating matters. 

This week’s Autism Weekly Podcast is packed with insights that can help parents, teachers, and anyone else supporting autistic individuals. By listening, understanding, and being open to different communication styles, we can all help create a world where everyone feels valued and heard. 

Want to learn more? Check out this week’s podcast episode and discover simple ways to improve communication and connection with your autistic child.