At ABS Kids, we are committed to supporting families through all stages of life, including the often overlooked area of relationships and sexuality. Understanding these topics empowers parents to guide their autistic children toward healthy, fulfilling experiences.
By Jeremi Fulmore, Communications Associate at ABS Kids
When we think about childhood autism and autism spectrum disorder (ASD), we often focus on therapies and education. But as autistic children grow into adults, they face the same challenges as their neurotypical peers, including relationships and sexuality. Unfortunately, these topics are rarely discussed, leaving families uncertain about how to help their autistic children navigate this important aspect of life.
In a recent Autism Weekly Podcast, Amy Gravino, a certified autism specialist and founder of A.S.C.O.T. Consulting, shared her personal journey and professional insights on autism and sexuality. Diagnosed with autism at age 11, Amy has dedicated her career to advocating for autism acceptance, especially when it comes to relationships and sexuality. Her work, including the Adult Autism and Sexuality Kit (AASK), focuses on helping autistic individuals explore these areas in a healthy and supported way.
Amy’s experience growing up was typical in some ways – she had the same curiosities and questions as her peers – but she lacked the social outlets that many neurotypical teens had. She wasn’t going on dates or experimenting with relationships. Instead, she found an outlet in writing fiction, which allowed her to explore her feelings in a safe, creative way.
For many teens, puberty is a confusing time, and for autistic teens it’s made even more challenging by sensory sensitivities and communication differences. Amy’s story highlights the importance of providing a safe space for autistic individuals to explore their feelings and ask questions about sexuality without fear of judgment or shame.
One of the most eye-opening points Amy made was about the role of shame in the conversation about autism and sexuality. She explained that autistic people don’t naturally feel shame about their desires – until someone else imposes it on them. Often, it’s society or even well-meaning family members who unintentionally send the message that these feelings are wrong or inappropriate.
Amy emphasized that “sex and shame don’t go well together.” Families can support their autistic loved ones by being open, honest, and non-judgmental about these topics. This kind of support is crucial to fostering healthy relationships and self-confidence.
As part of her master’s thesis, Amy worked with autistic adults on building dating skills, an area that is much more complex than other social skills. Teaching someone to brush their teeth is straightforward, but dating is filled with nuance, social cues, and emotional challenges that are often difficult for autistic individuals to navigate.
Through role playing, written instruction, and video modeling, Amy helped her clients gain confidence in asking someone out and handling the complexities of romantic relationships. Her work demonstrates that with the right support, autistic individuals can develop the skills needed to form meaningful connections.
For many years, the idea of an autistic person having a sexual relationship was seen as deviant or abnormal. But as Amy explained, this harmful belief is slowly changing. By sharing her personal experiences, including stories of heartbreak and love, Amy has been able to challenge outdated stereotypes and help others understand that autistic individuals have the same desires and needs as anyone else.
Amy’s Adult Autism and Sexuality Kit (AASK) was designed to provide autistic adults with practical tools to understand personal boundaries, intimacy, and consent. It’s an essential resource for both autistic individuals and their families who may be unsure of how to approach these conversations.
For families, discussing relationships and sexuality with an autistic loved one can feel overwhelming, but it’s an important part of life. Autistic individuals deserve the same opportunities to explore their feelings and relationships in a safe, supportive environment.
Amy’s work shows that, while there are challenges, there are also solutions. By encouraging open conversations, providing resources like AASK, and approaching the topic without shame, families can help their autistic loved ones build healthy, meaningful relationships.
Remember, relationships and sexuality are part of the human experience, and autistic individuals are no exception. Let’s continue to foster acceptance, remove stigma, and create a world where autistic people can explore these aspects of life confidently and without shame.
Check out Amy Gravino's previous episode, "Sex Ed, Dating, and Love On The Autism Spectrum | Interview With Amy Gravino #45," to learn more about her work on relationships and sexuality in the autism community.
Resources
Twitter/X: @AmyGravino
Instagram: @amy.gravino
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amygravino/
OAR Sex-Ed Guide for Self-Advocates: https://researchautism.org/self-advocates/sex-ed-for-self-advocates/
Elevatus Training: https://www.elevatustraining.com/